There’s a guy I know.

Not know know, but know the way you know someone from a distance. Social media. Mutual friends. That kind of thing.

He’s got the life I used to picture for myself.

Big city. Creative career. A place that actually feels like his. He posts pictures from coffee shops that don’t have sticky floors and bars where people don’t fight over stupid shit.

He’s not famous or anything, but he’s doing it. Making money off his art. Living the kind of life that doesn’t feel like it’s constantly closing in on him.

And every time I see his name pop up, I feel it.

That little sting. That quiet voice in the back of my mind saying, Why not you?

That’s the thing about envy. It doesn’t show up with flashing lights. It sneaks in, slow and quiet.

It pretends to be something else—motivation, frustration, self-reflection—but at its core, it’s just comparison poisoning your perspective.

The Silent War Inside Us

I don’t think envy is about them. Not really.

It’s about what their success reminds us of in ourselves.

Or more specifically, what it reminds us we haven’t done yet.

Because if I didn’t have my own dreams, I wouldn’t care about his.
If I didn’t have my own frustrations, I wouldn’t feel bitter about his wins.

Envy isn’t about wanting what someone else has. It’s about what we think it means about us that we don’t have it.

• Why is it happening for them and not me?
• Am I just not good enough?
• Did I waste too much time?
• Did I already miss my chance?

And once those questions start rolling in, it’s hard to shut them up.

The Problem with the Highlight Reel

Social media makes it worse.

You only see the best parts of people’s lives—the wins, the milestones, the moments that make them look like they’ve got it all figured out.

You don’t see:

• The nights they doubted themselves.
• The times they felt like giving up.
• The failures that came before the win.

And yet, here we are, comparing our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.

No wonder we feel like we’re losing.

But the truth?

Even the people we envy—they’re comparing themselves to someone else, too.

There’s always another level. Always someone doing it bigger, better, faster.

And if you’re not careful, you’ll spend your whole life chasing ghosts—thinking happiness is just one more achievement away.

It’s not.

The Different Kinds of Envy

Not all envy is bad.

Some of it is just recognition in disguise. A signal from your gut saying, Hey, pay attention—this matters to you.

The Kind That Motivates You

Ever seen someone doing what you want to do, and instead of feeling bitter, you feel inspired?

That’s the good kind of envy. The kind that says:

• If they can do it, so can I.
• This is proof it’s possible.
• I should push myself harder.

When envy fuels action, it’s useful. It reminds you what you care about. It forces you to ask, What’s stopping me from doing the same?

The Kind That Poisons You

Then there’s the other kind.

The kind that makes you feel resentful instead of inspired.

The kind that turns someone else’s success into a personal attack.

• They don’t deserve it.
• It should’ve been me.
• They must have had it easier.

That kind of envy? It doesn’t push you forward. It keeps you stuck.

Because instead of learning from them, you’re wasting energy being bitter. Instead of working on yourself, you’re hoping they fail.

And that? That’s a losing game.

Breaking Free from the Comparison Trap

You can’t fully get rid of envy.

But you can stop letting it control you.

Here’s how:

Turn Envy into Clarity

Instead of just feeling jealous, ask yourself:

• What exactly am I envious of? (Is it their career? Their freedom? Their confidence?)
• What does that tell me about what I want for myself?
• What’s stopping me from going after it?

Most of the time, envy isn’t about wanting their life. It’s about not feeling in control of your own.

So instead of sitting in the feeling—do something about it.

Focus on Your Own Lane

There’s always gonna be someone ahead of you. Someone who seems like they’ve got more.

But comparison is a distraction.

The only thing that actually matters? Your own damn progress.

• Are you better than you were a year ago?
• Are you moving toward your version of success?
• Are you working on the things that actually make you happy?

Because in the end, the goal isn’t to beat someone else.

It’s to become someone you’re proud of.

Remember That Timing Is Different for Everyone

Some people peak early. Some people don’t hit their stride until 30, 40, even 50.

And you know what? It doesn’t matter.

Because life isn’t a race.

So what if someone else got there first? That doesn’t mean you won’t.

Your timeline is your own.

The Final Shift That Changes Everything

There’s a question I ask myself now when I feel envy creeping in.

Instead of thinking, Why not me?—

I ask, Why not learn from them?

Instead of:
“It’s unfair that they have this.”
Try:
“What can I take from their journey?”

Because if someone else is doing what you want to do, that’s not a threat. That’s proof it’s possible.

And the second you stop seeing people as competition—and start seeing them as examples—everything changes.

So, yeah. That guy I mentioned at the beginning?

He’s still got the life I want.

But now, instead of resenting him for it, I’m figuring out how to build my own.

And that? That’s real power.

—J