There’s this thing we all do.

Someone asks how we’re doing, and we give the same automatic response:

“I’m good. Just tired.”
“Hanging in there.”
“Same old, same old.”

It doesn’t matter if we’re falling apart on the inside. It doesn’t matter if we woke up with a weight on our chest so heavy it makes getting out of bed feel impossible.

We smile. We lie. We keep going.

Because admitting you’re not okay feels like breaking some unspoken rule.

Like you’re supposed to hold it together, even when everything feels like it’s coming undone.

But what happens when you can’t hold it together anymore?

What happens when you’re not okay, and you don’t even know what to do about it?

The Pressure to Pretend

We live in a world that romanticizes “strength.”

Push through. Stay positive. Hustle harder. Be grateful.

There’s this expectation that no matter what you’re going through, you should still be functioning. Smiling. Showing up.

And if you can’t? If you need time? If you’re struggling?

Well, then you’re “weak.”

But let’s be real—pretending you’re fine when you’re not? That’s exhausting.

And sooner or later, that mask starts to crack.

The Quiet Ways We Fall Apart

Not everyone falls apart in obvious ways.

Some people don’t have dramatic breakdowns. They don’t scream or cry in public or disappear for weeks.

Sometimes, falling apart looks like:

• Not texting back because even that feels like too much.
• Sleeping too much or too little because your brain won’t shut off.
• Drowning in distractions—scrolling endlessly, binge-watching, keeping busy—anything to avoid sitting with your own thoughts.
• Losing interest in things you used to love because everything just feels… dull.
• Convincing yourself you’re fine when deep down, you know you’re not.

It doesn’t always look like a crisis.

Sometimes, it just looks like you, going through the motions, trying to make it to the next day.

Why We Struggle to Admit It

There are a lot of reasons we don’t admit when we’re struggling.

We don’t want to burden anyone. You tell yourself everyone has their own problems, so why add to them?

We don’t want to look weak. Maybe you’ve been the “strong one” for so long that breaking feels like failure.

We’re scared of what it means. Because if you admit you’re not okay, then what? What if you can’t fix it?

We don’t think anyone will understand. Maybe you’ve tried opening up before, and it didn’t go well. So now, you just keep it in.

But here’s the thing—hiding it doesn’t make it go away.

It just makes it heavier.

So, What Do You Do?

Okay, let’s say you’re in this place.

You’re not okay, but you don’t know how to fix it.

What now?

Start By Admitting It (At Least to Yourself)

You don’t have to tell the whole world.

You don’t even have to tell your closest friends right away.

But you do need to be honest with yourself.

Stop gaslighting yourself into thinking you’re fine. If something feels off, acknowledge it.

Sometimes, that’s the first step—just saying: “I’m not okay right now. And that’s okay.”

Figure Out What You Need (Not What You Think You Should Need)

When you’re struggling, people love to throw generic advice at you.

“Just exercise!”
“Try meditation!”
“Have you tried journaling?”

And look, those things might help.

But the truth is, everyone’s version of “help” looks different.

• Maybe you need rest—real rest, without guilt.
• Maybe you need someone to talk to, even if it’s just to vent.
• Maybe you need a break from everything—work, social media, people.
• Maybe you just need time—to feel, to process, to heal.

You don’t have to force yourself into someone else’s version of self-care.

Figure out what you actually need.

Stop Trying to “Fix” Everything Overnight

This is the hardest part.

When you feel bad, you just want it to go away. Fast.

But healing—whether it’s from stress, burnout, loss, or just life kicking your ass—takes time.

And trying to rush it?

That just makes it worse.

So instead of asking, “How do I fix everything right now?” maybe ask:

“What’s one small thing I can do today to make things feel a little lighter?”

That’s it. Just one thing.

And then tomorrow? Do another.

It’s not about fixing everything at once.

It’s about moving—even if it’s slow.

If You Take Nothing Else From This, Remember This:

You’re allowed to not be okay. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

You don’t have to go through it alone. There are people who care—even if your brain tries to convince you otherwise.

It won’t always feel like this. No matter how permanent it seems, no feeling lasts forever.

And look, I know that last one is hard to believe when you’re in it.

But it’s true.

I’ve been there. More times than I can count.

And every time, I swore it would never get better. That I’d be stuck in that feeling forever.

But I never was.

And you won’t be either.

So if you’re not okay right now, don’t panic.

Take a breath. Take your time. Take whatever you need.

Just don’t give up on yourself yet.

You’re still here. And that counts for something.

—J